Late-night hosts mourn the Notre Dame, Trumps need to tweet about it and the ever-expanding field of 2020 candidates
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert stood with France on Tuesday's Late Show as the country mourned its Notre Dame Cathedral, which burned on Monday in the heart of Paris. Luckily, though the flame ate the gothic marvel's roof and spire, firefighters saved the church's foundation, towers, relics and stained glass windows. France's chairperson, Emmanuel Macron, has pledged to restore the cathedral, and French tycoons and industrialists have already pledged over $700 m to the project.
The French firefighters are heroes, Colbert said, which means of course Donald Trump had to insert himself in their narrative. As news of the fire spread on Monday, the president tweeted:” Perhaps flying water tankers could be used to set it out. Must act quickly !”
The French civil security agency did not react immediately, instead tweeting:” All means are being used” to extinguish the flame,” except for water-bombing aircrafts which, if use, could lead to the collapse of the entire structure of the cathedral “.
” For firefighters, they really know how to give a sick burn ,” Colbert said.
Trump's week is likely to be headed downhill, Colbert continued, since the full Mueller report is set to be released on Thursday.” I for one can't wait- this is my Game of Thrones, in that I'm pretty sure there are some boobs in it .”
The report was supposed to be released on Tuesday, but the justice department delayed it to Thursday with no justification.” I have a feeling they're hoping to bury it over the vacation weekend ,” Colbert surmised,” because if there's one thing Easter is famous for, it's things remaining buried .”
Jimmy Kimmel
In Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel gave an update on the 2020 presidential race, which is already in full swing. On Tuesday, Bill Weld, the former governor of Massachusetts, announced he was challenging Trump for the Republican nomination since, he said,” it's time to return to the principles of Lincoln, equality, dignity and opportunity for all “.
” Has he been out of the country for a few years ?” Kimmel joked.” That's never happening again .”
Weld was a well-respected governor with a strong legal background, Kimmel continued, but” regrettably, never hosted a reality show, never bankrupted a casino, never got his head stuck in a pail of fried chicken during sex. These are things that have to be on your resume now .”
On the Democratic side, industrialist Andrew Yang announced his candidacy in Washington DC on Tuesday.” Do you know Andrew Yang? I've not heard of Andrew Yang, but after seeing this video from his rally yesterday in DC, I'm intrigued ,” Kimmel said before turning to footage from his rally, in which Yang said:” I'm the right man for the job, because the opposite of Donald Trump is an Asian man who love math !” and resulted the crowd with” Chant my name! Chant my name !”
” Is that a real candidate or somebody's stoner nephew running for prom king ?” Kimmel asked.
Meanwhile, the Vermont senator Bernie Sanders has raised the most money of the Democratic nominees- $18.2 m so far,” zero of which has been spent on personal grooming “. Sanders also seemed recently in a town hall on Fox News, which did not please Trump, who tweeted his dislike.” He gets really jealous when his Fox constructs other friends, he genuinely does ,” Kimmel said.
” And be talking about jealous ,” Russia's president, Vladimir Putin, and North Korea's leader, Kim Jong-un, plan to hold a summit next week without Trump. In other terms,” all of Trump's BFFs are hanging out without him ,” Kimmel said.” I guess Kim ultimately realized that if he wants to make a deal with America, he has to go to the top .”
Read more: www.theguardian.com
