The news cycle has quickly moved on to Donald Trumps first press conference in over five months, but social media has remained joyfully fixated on rumors of the President-elects alleged behavior in Moscow. As gags and memes begin to pour in despite the objections of the incoming administration, it has become clear that we, as fag people, have a new imperative for the next four years. We have to take piss back.

Its unclear( perhaps dehydrated) whether these allegations about the Donald have any truth in them, especially considering the gossipy style of the supposedly official memo on the matter that has been circulating since last night. But if theres one thing I learnt from 2016, its that alleging something is enough to make it as consequential as if it were true. Yellow journalism helped get this man elected, so Im comfy indulging in some of it at his expense. If the alt-right can buy Pizzagate, then I can believe in Pissgate. The key change being that I dont plan on terrorizing a pizza shop armed with an all-yellow Super Soaker. And I dont even want to shame Trump for his behaviour! Unlike Congress or the rest of his administration, at least he publicly supports the wellbeing of sex employees. No, I dont kinkshame or John-shame. My issue here is appropriation, cooptation mainstreaming might be the best term for it.

My people have enjoyed a monopoly on sex deviance for some time now, and it is unacceptable that on the cusp of a regime that exalts traditional values, we cant even piss on each other without bolstering Trumps brand. We didnt invent water athletics, but we definitely helped make it cool. We fags built being a debase cool, along with most of the things you can get called a debase for. We freaks have busted and balmed our asses to generate communities around sexy, safer kink play. And every last fell weve pissed on each other has been a small, golden act of resistance against people like Donald Trump.

Now anybody can do it. Any xenophobic vanilla heterosexual who doesnt care in the slightest about sex liberties can turn to his wife in the middle of the night and quote the urethra-grabbing Commander-in-Chief to justify his wettest dreams. As if we didnt have enough pissing matches with them, we can now anticipate an alt-right coalition freshly emboldened to normalize the golden rain. Economic arguments aside, this is terrible for queer culture. We had barely saved puppy play from the same fate as rimjobs, and now we must devote our precious resources to the protection of piss play. This is on top of “members attention” we already have to devote to preventing the return of gay conversion therapy or mitigating daily public harassment against visibly queer and trans people. Or ensuring trans people and people living with HIV have access to the health care they need to sustain functional, fulfilling lives. Or securing federal funding for initiatives to provide shelter and housing for LGBTQ youth. Or seeing to it that sex workers, queer or not, have avenues to sustain their livelihoods that are as safe and self-determining as possible, against violent cops and violent clientele alike.

Look, its not that I dont want straight people to get into watersports, its that I dont want Trump voters to know the perverse pleasure of it, to openly incorporate it into their sex norms while simultaneously supporting the demonization and criminalization of other peoples sex lives. I want to keep piss political, specifically on my side of the aisle, the side that goes high and runs low. I want to mobilize the erotic against fascism, to make kink subversive again. Its unclear whether we should scratch the Trump administrations noses in it or not, but the smaller scandal is nonetheless a reminder to our entire community that even our pleasure is under siege, and that it is up to us to piss on and piss off more than ever.

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