Swap the tuxedo for dungarees, the sports car for a low-emission Mini and the martini for a pint of Stella, and you have the perfect Bond for the 21 st century
If, according to the actor Idris Elba, he is too old to be running around chasing women and therefore has written off his chances of being the next James Bond, I think its hour for a lesbian to take up the challenge.
Lesbians are never too old to be chasing girls. Some of us dont even come out until old age since we are railroaded into heterosexuality, and therefore have lots of catching up to do when we finally free ourselves from a mundane life cleaning boxer shorts.
Clearly, if an older lesbian,( I cant assistance but model her on my 54 -year-old self here ), were to take on the role of Bond there would have to be a number of dramatic switchings in the style and appearance that has become somewhat of a boring stereotype. Out with the tuxedos and in with loose-fitting, practical dungarees. They are, after all, back in fashion, and are perfect for storing all the necessary snoop equipment in the many pockets. Lezzer Bonds backpack would be full of leaflets with which to scatter-bomb straight bridals, warning of impending doom, and badges bearing slogans such as YBA Wife, and Any Woman Can Be a Lesbian.
The Bond car would be replaced with a low-emission Mini, because Lezzer Bond cares about the environment. Guns and other weaponry would be swapped for gluten-free tofu and vegan cheese, served alongside KD Lang tracks on a loop, with which to torture her captives until they cough up whatever intelligence she is after.
International jobs would include swooping into Russia , not because Lezzer is looking for nuclear weapons intended to use to achieve world predominance, but to warn Vladimir Putin against his grotesque policies on the lesbian and gay community and other such human rights abuses. Lezzer Bond would do similar in the 80-odd countries around the globe that criminalise same-sex relationships.
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