One can only imagine where the roots of puns are hidden. Was it The First Humans who erroneously called the Saber-Toothed tiger a Lightsaber-Toothed tiger? Or maybe it all started in the Middle Ages when, by a long shot, the Trebuchet was the most powerful weapon? Or perhaps it was the era of the Renaissance when people simply couldn't Handel the music of Handel? There are no answers as to when this amazingly lame form of humor was born but it has kept its popularity from the daybreak of ages to this day , nonetheless. Loser-esque yet hilarious, unbearably foolish yet clever at the same time – puns will never get bearing, even if they'd be the last jokes left on Earth. Some people might consider them lame; others only don't get them at all. But we think that a good pun is always worth a good chuckle. If you are on the same page then this complete collection of puns is exactly what you are looking for. From classy to sassy, these are the puns that can make anyone laugh( or roll their eyes at least ). So scroll down below, vote for the funniest, and let us know what you think!
Light travelings faster than sound. That's why some people seem bright until you hear them speak
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it made me
“I have a split personality, ” said Tom, being frank.
I have a few jokes about unemployed workers, but none of them work
When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea
Two windmills are standing in a gale farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music? ” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now
My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case
Jill broke her thumb today, but on the other hand she was completely fine
All chemists know that alcohol is always a solution
She had a photographic memory but never developed it
Hear about the new eatery called Karma? There’s no menu – you get what you deserve
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any
England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool
The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand
A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my puppies are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My puppies don’t even own bikes
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Furnishes!
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A mean robber going down stairs= A condescend con, descending
When everything is coming your style, you're in the wrong lane
When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents
A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi
Let me say to you about my grandpa. He was a good man, a brave human. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo
Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
How do you throw a space party? You planet
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type … His last words to us were, “Be positive! ”
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a. m. I’m not really a mourning person
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed human on a tricycle? A tire
I was going to make a chemistry joke, but since I'm kinda late to the thread, the good ones argon
My ex-wife still misses me. But her purpose is starting to improve
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other “how do you drive this thing? “
I considered an ad for burial plots, and I guessed: “That’s the last thing I need! ”
What cleans up on tiny beaches? Microwaves
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays
German sausage jokes are just the wurst
The guy who fabricated the door knocker got a no-bell prize
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator
Need an ark? I Noah guy
How does Moses stimulate coffee? Hebrews it
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I insure food, I eat it
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
What did the grape say when it get stepped on? Nothing – but it let out a little whine
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter ‘Spain good but there is Norway I could feed another bite'
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure
He who laughs last believes slowest
Police were called to a daycare centre where a three-year-old was defying a rest
What do you call a man with no limbs and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus
Why is the number six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine
What did one flag say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.
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I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra … It was a booby trap
Why are frogs so happy? They feed whatever bugs them
I bought a boat because it was for sail
Somebody stole all my lamps … I couldn’t be more de-lighted!
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars
Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak
I lost my mood ring, and I don't know how I'm feeling about that
What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit
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I'm not a doctor but I'm losing my patience
