Hello America! This is Russia speaking! Unfortunately your radio host cannot talkat the moment as he is tied up in the corner! So today I will host this show.

I’m here to tell you that yes we have hackedeverything starting from the DNC servers and US election and down to Donald Trump’s ass.

It is a payback for the sanctions and interferenceand regime change over years particularly (Fuck! What a difficult word) particularly Ukraine.

-Boris the corner host is crying.

Give him a tissue.

Right! and you removed our obedient puppet! Payback was coming, Cretins! Russia is strong again! I love seeing the results of our might whenliberals cry rivers.

But I’m not heartless! If you liberals need help dealing with thisstress I suggest you suck on something.

If you can not deal with this on your wonthen you can come to the Kremlin sucking station which is located in Trump Tower where helpwill be provided for you! The number of spots is limited! So hurry up We do hate Hillary Clinton.

We need the sanctions lifted! So she’s of no use to us! Too bad this old hag didn’t die from couchingfits! We were hopeful! Unfortunately we didn’t poison the twitchybitch! This pooch wanted to go to war with us? Who was going to attack us? Faggot soldiers and cucked liberals! With what? Words?! We were so scared! I was going to pray right away! -What is it, Ivan? Don’t you see I’m busy? – The cops have shown up! -Tell them that That dunkin’ donuts is aroundthe corner and at our expense! Ok let’s continue! I’m sorry to disappoint but CIA, FBI andother stupid American agencies whose abbreviations I don’t fucking remember cannot even discoverthe presence of their own stupidity within let alone our meddling in the US election.

What kind of evidence can they provide ifthey’re so stupid?! They don’t even have a facebook or twitterpost this time to back up their allegations? If you wanted evidence you should’ve contactedthe Russian embassy.

We would be happy to oblige! We would have given it to you with pleasure! Of course we collected and gave all the informationwe had to Julian Assange because he is a Russian agent.

We spin him on the dick! We do have hackers and agents everywhere! Look behind right now! There is a good chance it’s our man! Your MSM is so inept that they couldn’teven produce good propaganda.

That’s what happens when you shill for Clintonwho needs to attend courses on how to lie better! hahaha You aren’t the masters ofelaborate lies! Our propaganda is working because we are competingwith the retarded MSM! It’s a piece of cake as you say.

Even after the election you’re ripping yourassholes apart to stop Trump! Your attempts are in vain! And It’s not a conspiracy theory! We really do own your ass now! We operate Donald Trump with a remote controlbecause we’ve installed a chip into his brain! We just couldn’t sit by and let Clintonto take the office! As for Bernie Sanders, he is an ultimatecuck! We just couldn’t afford to cooperate witha cuck.

Our reputation will be damaged permanently! He’s pathetic to say the least! Oh Obama sand nigger, entrusted James clapper,a man whose name is derived from the word clap, to investigate our hacking and influence.

How will do this? By clapping and getting the clap? Or maybe by the means of claptrap? you’re pathetic libtards so concernedwith our influence but it’s all right when Muslim states do this by donating to the ClitorisFoundation! Clinton Foundation! Whatever! You’ve got a Muslim traitor in chief andyou don’t realise this! See how stupid you are! Anyway Obama and the attempts of his administrationto have a dent are nothing but premature failure.

Obama your time is at the end! Yes we own the alternative right and theycome to bow to their Russian overlords every Sunday morning and take dictation to peddleour propaganda.

Yes All of this is a wide Russian operationcalled Liberal Ownage! Yes we hacked John Pedesta emails.

Hahahah Pedesta.

Sounds like a pederast.

– It’s john podesta! Not pedesta! – Shut your mouth, Michael! – My name is not Michael! – Your name is whatever I say it is! You’re all Michaels! Now the fucking leftists are doing everythingto sabotage Donald’s presidency! But do not worry Trump supporters! He’s got a safe path to the White house! We will see it through.

Regressive liberals try to scare the ElectoralCollege members.

I assure we will scare back if needed! -What is it again, Ivan? – My Legs are wet- How come? – the hostages have flooded the floor withtears.

– Ivan, give them boot counseling Concerning Brexit! We did it too! Nigel Farage is Putin’s most trusted agent! And I know you think we will take of careAngel Merkel.

that’s flattering that you thinkwe are so good.

This fills me with admiration for my country.

Have you heard the news? The EU parliament is already shitting theirpants over our amazing propaganda machine.

In fact I think we should change Russia Today’s slogan from “Question More” to ”Exertinginfluence” seeing as we’re responsible for changing the course of American politics.

We should do the same for the name.

Russia today becomes Russian Overlords Networkor simply RON The American liberals now pin their hope anddreams on Justin Turdeau His name is Justin Trudeau! He’s the best! Boris give him a sound beating! Ok Justin Trudeau of Canada.

I haven’t see anyone inmy life who’s so comfortable under the women’s thumb.

My dear conservative Canadians, I’m givingyou my word that the sissy will be removed shortly! It’s time to wind up because we’ve gotthings to hack, people to threat and countries to conquer.

Do Svidanie!.