I love to get f* cked up and do weird sh* t.
And I mean genuinely, genuinely weird sh* t. Like convincing the DJ at the bar to play a ballad that makes people throw their hands up in the air so that I can run around tickling strangers. Or proving up to an all-white party dressedin a lion suit…and to a U2 concert garmented as Bono.
Ever since I had my first sip of raspberry Smirnoff before a tropic like it’s hot dance party in my junior year of high school, I have had a love affair with epicnights on the town.
I once ran bar-hopping for SantaCon and spent the whole day hanging out with an 85 -year-old man who a striking resemblance to the REAL Santa Claus. Not merely was he a fantastic time, but apparently looking EXACTLY like Santa awards you line-cutting privileges at every bar.
Another time, I took a dare from my friends to massage random strangers at a bar. I told them that this was my final for massage school.
The list goes on. Theres just something about tossing back a few too many Moscow Mules and hopping onstage at a concert to do the funky chicken dance that GETS ME GOING.
Honestly, I dont even really care about the booze. I would do 99 percent of this sh* t sober. I love goingout with my friends and not knowing where the night will take us. Its how we bond.
And all this is well and good when I’m single.
But it becomesan issue when Im seeing someone. I once went out with my best friend in jeans and running shoes. Despite looking like absolute dweebuses, we managed to get bottle service( I use there word loosely, since it was basicallya table they strungmakeshift ropes around) at the bar. It was awesome.
Obviously, I HAD to tell the guy I was assuring all about it the next day. But instead of exult in our triumph, he merely laughed condescendingly and asked when this sh* t was going to stop being funny to me.
I knew in my heart of hearts that the answer to that topic wasNEVER. And if that wasnt going to work for him, then ourrelationship( or whatever you call exclusively hooking up for a few months but refusing to put a label on it) wasnt going to work for me.
It’s not that I can’t find men who want to date me. But themen I date seem to think my behavior will disappear once I get with them. As if when we decide to quit sleeping with other people, then BAM — the weirdo part of me will vanish, leaving merely the boring stuff, like my hot body and my fantastic personality.
A lot of people worry about losing their identities and independence when get into a relationship. For me, a big part of that merely happens to be the bizarre sh* t I love to do while under the influence.
I dont want to be part of the couple that stops being fun. I dont want my big Friday night plan to be a movie night in bed. I definitely dont ever want to stop having my daughters nights.
If I had a penny for every time a guy told, But why do you want to go out when you can stay in bed with meeee? I would definitely have at least a few pennies( I don’t get out that much ).
I understand why they’re upset. The accepted wisdom is that people go out on the weekends to find potential romantic partners. When they get into a relationship, the desire to go out is supposed to slowly subside.
If your partner is itching got to go all the time, you start to wonder if he or she is looking for someone else. Especially if you, um, maybe met himat a bar in the first place.
But going out when I’m in a relationship has nothing to do with session people or hooking up.If I love you, it doesnt matter if Im drunk or sober — I lose all interest in anyone else.
But I also love my friends like a freak. For me, going out and get drunk is always going to be about spending time withthemandmaking the bizarrestories were going to tell for decades.
If the person I’m dating doesn’t supporting that, then he genuinely doesn’t like the real me.
I don’t need the guy I’m with to be sitting on the bar stool next to me. Of course, a partner in crime would be great, but all I genuinely need is for the person or persons I love to accept me for who I am — a girl who runs out on a Friday night and accidentally picks a guys nose( it’s a long narrative, and I’m a little hungover right now ).
I dont want a boyfriend who treats my personality like a stage Im going through until he wifes me up. I want him to love and respect me for who I am , not in spite of it.
I merely don’t consider why love should ever stand in the way of a good time. Which is why youll probably find me at the bar this Friday body-slamming people in a sumo suit … and hoping tofind the guy who thinks thats f* cking awesome.